Dark Ranters Reviews: School Days
With ImpulsiveSpidercide and GearsX
Warning: This review contains foul language, pure uncontained rage, and disturbing and sexual references. Reader discretion is advised.
GearsX: Hello, everyone. This is GearsX clockin' in and got the claws ready to shred...
ImpulsiveSpidercide: And ImpulsiveSpidercide, with the game switched on and the knives ready to come out.
GearsX: Previously in our School Days review, Makoto has changed his name to Creepy McNumbnuts, Sekai is in the process of becoming a manipulative shithead, and Kotonoha will soon become a mentally decayed trainwreck.
ImpulsiveSpidercide: Yes. The horror. The absolute fucking horror.
GearsX: Spoilers! In part two, we're gonna rain down the pain on episodes five through eight and the rage is really beginning to take over now. Let's begin the beautiful pillage and plunder of School Days. Pillage and plunder! Burn! Burn! Burn!
ImpulsiveSpidercide: And no rape, unlike that asshole.
GearsX: Episode five begins with another blatant shot of fanservice. Makoto and his best friend, Taisuke Sawanaga, being their usual peeping tom selves. I'm sorry if I didn't mention Taisuke in the first part but I'll talk about him right now. He's Makoto's best friend and like our "protagonist," he too is a pervert and he commits rape later on in the series.
ImpulsiveSpidercide: Yes. He does. Any more will be spoiling it right now.
GearsX: This anime deserves to be spoiled, that's how bad this shitheap really is. Makoto is still thinking about Sekai's slip of the tongue into his mush then we get a close of Taisuke's speedo bulge. Really classy, anime. This episode takes place at a water park as I fail to mention.
ImpulsiveSpidercide: Yeah. Fanservice galore. Yay. Sarcasm fully intended.
GearsX: Get ready for more spoon fed fanservice as we enter the girls' locker room.
GearsX: This leads to a scene where Sekai is touching her...all right, I'm skipping this scene because I have more respect for our audience and I'm no pedophile. Going back to the school in a flashback, Makoto shows Sekai one of the tickets he got from Kotonoha for the water park. Hikari shows up and she has a ticket, too. Makoto says Hikari must be interested in him which leads to him getting his brains bashed in. She wants him to give one of the water park tickets to Taisuke. Yeah, Hikari has the hots for him.
ImpulsiveSpidercide: Yeah, though I don't see why. Then again, considering most of the girls want to get into Makoto's pants, maybe good taste and judgment are just generally in short supply in this anime.
GearsX: To these girls, high standards are for idiots. We get another boring exposition dump between Makoto and Taisuke. Also, Taisuke getting his boner on while talking about Kotonoha in a two-piece. Next scene!
ImpulsiveSpidercide: Yeah, I think I'm gonna be sick.
GearsX: More blatant fanservice! Taisuke being a creepy retard! Makoto being a creepy retard! More unfunny hijinks!
GearsX: Hikari asks Taisuke to teach her how to swim and he accepts her offer. She drags him away and we get another close-up of his bulge. Ready to blow chunks yet?
After some more blatant fanservice shots, Makoto teaches Kotonoha how to swim and we get a close-up of her boobs. I don't wanna sound perverted but I would rather have a look at Kotonoha's titties than get another pointless look at Taisuke's speedo cock one more time.
ImpulsiveSpidercide: Same here, frankly.
GearsX: Her swim lesson goes well while Makoto begins to get bored. She slips on a slippery spot in the pool and hugs her boyfriend. Makoto hugs Kotonoha tighter to just have her boobies pressed against him while Sekai looks on. Makoto, I seriously want to smash your fucking head on the concrete until it's a pulp of brain meat and pieces of skull!
ImpulsiveSpidercide: Same here.
GearsX: Hikari seems to be having fun while Taisuke is getting all pissy about teaching her how to swim after they gone down the water slide. Setsuna shows and crash lands on the perverted retard. Next scene! Makoto takes a break from swimming while Kotonoha is taking a bathroom break. Sekai shows up to tease Makoto. Makoto wants to "practice" with Sekai some more all the while grabbing her ass. She keeps saying it's just "practice" and that's it. Yeah, you keep saying that, Sekai. You know goddamn well you wanna play with his joystick and buttons. Of course, Makoto complements on Sekai's swimsuit and it may seem harmless, but is it?
ImpulsiveSpidercide: No, not really, considering they're carrying on an affair behind Kotonoha's back because Kotonoha won't put out.
GearsX: But that won't happen until later on. This scene is beginning to drag, so I'll sum it up like this: Makoto being all creepy about Sekai and she asks him about dating Kotonoha, who returns from her piss break. The class have some lunch together and go back for a swim after a half-hour. Makoto teaches Kotonoha to swim some more while Taisuke is getting jealous of his best friend.
ImpulsiveSpidercide: Because he wants Kotonoha for himself. And we both know where this leads.
GearsX: Spoiler again, he rapes her! They all get into another dry exposition dump about how Sekai likes Makoto and all that shit. Jesus Christ on a pogo stick, this is getting boring!
ImpulsiveSpidercide: I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm looking forward to the parts where everyone starts dying.
GearsX: And we get yet another close-up of Taisuke's speedo cock for the third time! All right, producers, are you seriously obsessed with this dude's junk!?
ImpulsiveSpidercide: Maybe they are.
GearsX: After a day at the water park, everyone is getting ready to leave. Kotonoha wants to set up another date with Makoto for Sunday because her little sister wants to see him again. Makoto reluctantly agrees to go. The girls show up and the jackass asks what took them so long. Sekai gets pissed off and drags Makoto away for yet another chat. She keeps telling him time and time and time again he is dating Kotonoha but it's still not sinking in.
Man, Makoto, you are such a pompous little fuckball. You are dating the hottest girl in school and you're letting your cock do all the thinkin'. Everyone goes home, Makoto takes the train to meet with Sekai, finally confess their feelings to each other, and da end for this episode. That was terrible! We still get the same goddamn problems from the first four episodes and we got too many crotch shots from Taisuke! I'm feelin' it, ladies and germs. The rage is coming to the surface. I can really feel it. You're not making this easier for us, anime. Oh, no, you're not.
ImpulsiveSpidercide: Well, if you're gonna Hulk out . . .
GearsX: You wanna know what the worst part is? Makoto bangs Sekai!
ImpulsiveSpidercide: Well, fuck.
GearsX: Makoto has now become a Jersey Shore-level douche ass. He could've told Kotonoha he wanted to date someone else but no, Makoto hates all things logic.
ImpulsiveSpidercide: Yeah. Douchebag motherfucker. I'm sorry I'm not more eloquent than this, but that's the best I can come up with to sum him up.
GearsX: Let's save the rage later. Let's move on to episode six. At the beginning of this episode, Makoto and Sekai make out at her job. Good way to get yourself fired and that's real sanitary, too, sarcasm. Once again, she keeps saying they are just practicing. (That's starting to get old now.) We all know where their mommy-daddy dance in that last scene will lead to later on.
ImpulsiveSpidercide: Yes. Exactly.
GearsX: Then at the Katsura house, Kotonoha tries to get ahold of Makoto but he doesn't pick up.
ImpulsiveSpidercide: Because he's too busy fucking around with Sekai.
GearsX: And just plain ignoring her too. This is the first sign of poor Kotonoha becoming mentally destroyed by her cheating beau. Makoto and his new lover hug each other before heading off to school. Kotonoha boards the train with Makoto. He ain't too happy seeing her on the train. She tries to talk to him but he's being an arrogant asshole to her.
ImpulsiveSpidercide: Yeah, because he's pissed at her for not giving it up to him, which is perfectly logical and reasonable given what an inconsiderate douchebag he is.
GearsX: To him, taking it slow is for dumbasses. Sekai arrives at the school and was about to enter homeroom when Makoto shows up. During class, she tells him they should let his girlfriend know that they are seeing each other but Makoto doesn't wanna do the right thing. On the roof, Makoto, Kotonoha, and Sekai have a nice cup of hot lemonade. They talk about the hot lemonade and who really the fuck cares?
During history class, Makoto gets a text from Kotonoha for an afterschool shopping trip but he makes up the excuse that his sister is coming to town. Lying is not cool, you dipshit! He lies to her so he can spend more time with Sekai. How pathetic. Kotonoha does her shopping while Makoto and Sekai get off the train. As her train stops, Kotonoha sees them about to make out on the train station platform. Another sign of her sanity slowly swirling down the shitter.
ImpulsiveSpidercide: Yeah. It only gets worse from here.
GearsX: Kotonoha is waiting on Makoto to walk with her but he once again LIES to her through text. Makoto shows up and she gets all excited but Katou shows up. They say good morning to each other and Makoto goes on his merry little way. Katou stares at Kotonoha until she gets a call from Minami.
ImpulsiveSpidercide: Yeah, bad shit is coming.
GearsX: On the roof, Kotonoha tries to talk with Makoto and Sekai but his head is so far up his ass he's enjoying his own stick and his mistress being all depressed. In class, there's talks of an upcoming school festival and what theme they should go with. As Makoto meets up with Sekai, he received a text message from her to go home together and Sekai suggested it. Makoto and Kotonoha walk home together as she received a flyer for a couples' discount on cell phones. She offers him a cell phone but he turns her down. Kotonoha trips to the ground as her yarn and knitting needles spill over. Apparently, she was knitting herself a sweater or a scarf. At Sekai's place, Setsuna leaves as her friend receives a text from Makoto. She feels really bad for sleeping with Kotonoha's boyfriend. Kotonoha calls Makoto again and he ignores her.
ImpulsiveSpidercide: Wow, douchebag.
GearsX: I'm just about ready to tear him a new asshole. The school festival planning commences as Taisuke tosses around dumb suggestions and Setsuna rejects them all. Katou and her friends discuss who is taking her to the school festival and then decide to pick on Kotonoha. Of course, Katou has the hots for Makoto but denies it. Kotonoha declares she's Makoto’s "the one" and that pisses Katou off.
Spoilers: Makoto bangs Katou not once but twice! Dunking her doughnuts! Stuffing her like a turkey!
ImpulsiveSpidercide: Yeah. We get it. We get it.
GearsX: Then we get a montage of text messages going around about Kotonoha dating Makoto then we see Setsuna watching Makoto and Sekai leave homeroom. Kotonoha finishes her meeting early and heads to the roof. Makoto wants a quickie with Sekai but she doesn't wanna do that right now. Dammit, you cock-knocker, she said no! As Kotonoha was about to meet up with her boyfriend on the roof, she heard Sekai say “I love you” to Makoto very loudly.
That's it, the kid gloves are coming off! I can't hold this in any longer! Makoto, you are a womanizing sack of horseshit! You had the hots for Kotonoha since day one but you decided to throw her under the bus for Sekai!? Are you goddamn kiddin' me!? Kotonoha loved you and you were bangin' around right behind her back! You could've told her you wanted to date Sekai and maybe stay friends with your soon be ex-girlfriend, that would be the smart and right thing to do! Oh, wait, I completely forgot you hate doing the smart and right thing! You're making us guys look real bad, you rat-faced dick weasel! Who do you think you are!? Who the fuck do you think you are!? Are you that hellbent on destroying your girlfriend's life, Sekai's life, and all the lives of the girls you were humping!?
ImpulsiveSpidercide: Yeah, all that and then some. And too little, too late for Sekai!
GearsX: I can't wait to see you get what's comin' to you, asshole! So fuck you and fuck everything you stand for! You don't deserve to go to Hell because that place is too good for you!
ImpulsiveSpidercide: Yes. They need a whole new level for him to be tortured for eternity in.
GearsX: Hot damn! That felt good! That's it for episode six. What I said has pretty much described all the feelings I had toward that episode. Moving on to episode seven. On the roof of the school, Kotonoha has just discovered her boyfriend and Sekai together and cutting back to her house, she is knitting either a sweater or a scarf. She is discussing to herself about why Makoto and Sekai were together on the roof. Kokoro enters the room and asks about the school fair.
Back at the school, Hikari tells her classmates about the other classes doing a themed cafe and Setsuna decides to up the game. Hikari has Makoto volunteer to help out Setsuna. Makoto and Setsuna walk through the hallway and see Kotonoha in one classroom. He doesn't say hi to her or nothing. In gym class, someone has snuck into the storage with a camera in her hands. Where will this lead to? Hmmm.
ImpulsiveSpidercide: Yeah, exactly. Lots of very humiliating videos. And to think, this was before cell phone cameras were so widespread.
GearsX: I'm feeling dirty having to talk about it later on. Kotonoha catches up with Makoto and asks him about seeing her later on but Setsuna says no. Spoilers: he fucks her too! Man, Setsuna's a cold-hearted bitch.
ImpulsiveSpidercide: Wow, damn. Yeah, that is cold.
GearsX: Prepare to hate her even more because she blocks Kotonoha's number on Makoto's cell. She had no business blocking her number on Makoto's phone!
ImpulsiveSpidercide: Yeah. It's not even her phone. Damned bitch.
GearsX: Sekai told her she didn't have to do that. Back at the Katsura residence, Kokoro sees her older sister doing some more knitting but she's actually starting to lose it.
ImpulsiveSpidercide: Yeah, she's losing her damn mind, and we all know whose fault it is, don't we?
GearsX: It's Makoto's fault. When Setsuna arrives back at her place, everything is all packed up. She's going to France, that is all. When Kotonoha tries to call Makoto, she discovers her number was blocked on her phone. Her sanity is decomposing faster than a corpse baking in the hot sun.
ImpulsiveSpidercide: Yeah. I feel like Nine Inch Nails' The Downward Spiral would be the perfect soundtrack album for this review.
GearsX: That poor girl. She deserves better. She tries to call him again but still no luck.
ImpulsiveSpidercide: No fucking luck, because he doesn't even know her number was blocked. And he probably doesn't care to know.
GearsX: Back in class, Sekai is wearing a waitress uniform and Taisuke is being all creepy about it, but Hikari gave him a good punch to the head.
ImpulsiveSpidercide: Good, he deserves worse.
GearsX: Every student is prepping for the school fair. Kotonoha was ordered to grab some sheets. I think we all know what the sheets are used for.
ImpulsiveSpidercide: Yeah, exactly.
GearsX: As she goes to grab the sheets, Kotonoha runs into Makoto and Setsuna. Makoto stares at her boobs since her shirt was sopping wet from the rain. Setsuna keeps telling him he is Sekai's boyfriend now, but he walks off to get her. He sees her talking to his best friend and then they go into the supply closet. Taisuke gets a first row look at her panties while Hikari is getting pissed off. Taisuke asks Kotonoha out to the folk dance while still being all creepy. Hikari is emotionally crushed. Kotonoha and Taisuke argue over her relationship with Makoto then she runs off.
ImpulsiveSpidercide: And shit follows. Because it always does here.
GearsX: Man, Taisuke's such an asswipe. Kotonoha sees Makoto and she's all happy, but Nanami cockblocks her, pretty much accusing her of being a whore. The poor little girl runs off crying. Makoto rides the train while unblocking his girlfriend's phone number. Kotonoha shows up at Makoto's apartment and talks with him. Once again, he is lying to her about how his cell was acting up when it was actually blocked by Setsuna! What a lying little shitbag! Keep making up excuses, you little asswipe! Anyway, Kotonoha asks Makoto for a dance during the last day of the school carnival while Sekai is getting all weepy like a baby. Someone get that girl a baby bottle and a pacifier. Sekai storms off and gets slapped by Kotonoha. Another sign of things to come.
ImpulsiveSpidercide: Or the Waaaaambulance, as it were. And yes, it is a sign of things to come, especially since Kotonoha takes it much further than slapping in the end.
GearsX: Finally, we get to episode eight. It's the day of the school carnival. We meet up with Sekai and Setsuna at the park, discussing about her getting a slap to the face by Kotonoha. Setsuna tells her she's gonna meet up with Makoto. In school, Makoto and Taisuke talk about his relationship with Kotonoha.
ImpulsiveSpidercide: And what do the assholes have to say for themselves?
GearsX: Why they haven't broken up yet.
GearsX: Yeah. At Sekai's place, she has a flashback about what happened the previous night. After getting slapped, Sekai apologizes to Kotonoha but she is not in a forgiving mood. She's hurt, betrayed, and tells Sekai to stay the hell away from Makoto. We both know she's not gonna listen and Sekai has no remorse for sleeping with Makoto. It's rant time again! You take it from here!
ImpulsiveSpidercide: Yeah, fine, I'll do it. That is the worst apology I've heard in a while, and being the astute follower of politics that I am, I've heard some shitty apologies in my day. Good on Kotonoha for not falling for that bullshit, because that’s all it is --- bullshit! She’s still going to fuck around with Makoto, still hurting and betraying Kotonoha with that motherfucking waste of pixels and animation! The both of them deserve the most painful and brutal end possible, and for those of you who know how this sick farce ends, I am sorely looking forward to it! Blood for blood, and by the gallons!
GearsX: Couldn't have said it better myself. We'll be celebratin' death in the third and final part but for now, let's trudge through episode eight and end this second part of the review.
GearsX: Kotonoha asks Makoto if they can walk home together but Setsuna says no. Makoto can't really speak for himself and Setsuna loves cockblocking Kotonoha. We're getting signs of Makoto being a bit nicer to Kotonoha, but it's too little, too late. You, asswipe, don't get our sympathies. We're gonna skip this discussion between Makoto and Setsuna because it's boring and I don't give a shit about them.
ImpulsiveSpidercide: Indeed. I'm just biding my time now.
GearsX: Makoto arrives at Sekai's place and he stares at her Radish waitress uniform. Creepy. We get another exposition dump and moving on. I will say she asks Makoto if what they are doing is bad, but as I said and Spidercide said earlier, Sekai doesn't have a pang of remorse for sleeping with Makoto. Sekai and Setsuna talk about Makoto and Kotonoha and moving on. Sekai comes back to school as the preparations for the school fair nigh complete.
As the train comes to a stop, Kotonoha boards it. She just happy to sit next to her beau as he starts down at her cleavage. Get this, she actually offers him to touch her bare boobs. I thought she had more self-respect than that. After getting through more waste of time, the school fair begins! As Kotonoha speaks with Katou and her friends, two customers show up to use the break room. The break room is being used as a cheap-ass hotel room where they are bangin' each other.
ImpulsiveSpidercide: Yes, and it's being recorded, too, via hidden camera. To be shown to the entire class later.
GearsX: Who would set up a break room to be used as a VIP room at a strip joint at a school fair?
ImpulsiveSpidercide: Some very fucked-up teenagers, but then I've heard similar stories in real life.
GearsX: It doesn't make any sense. Something like that may happen at a house party but not at a school fair. We get a pointless scene where we see a three-way fight between themed cafes. It adds nothing to the plot and it’s a complete throwaway.
ImpulsiveSpidercide: Yeah, but it does at least establish the environment of the setting.
GearsX: Of how batshit retarded they all are?
ImpulsiveSidercide: Ok, if we wanna go there, sure.
GearsX: This scene is just not funny, movin' on.
ImpulsiveSpidercide: Yes. Let's.
GearsX: Makoto stays to help out Setsuna to fix everything up. She tells him she's moving to France because her mother got a job transfer or somethin', it's never revealed. Setsuna tells Makoto to take care of Sekai when she's gone, yakkity-schmackity. Cutting to the chase, Makoto is all tuckered out and Setsuna slips him the tongue. Da End!
Fuckin' eh, that was the worst four episodes we slogged through. The problems are still the same; all the characters are unlikable except for Kotonoha, padded out scenes, more exposition dumps, and things had just gotten worse.
ImpulsiveSpidercide: Yeah, with Setsuna kissing Makoto while he's passed out and sleeping.
GearsX: Everything is wibbling and wobbling for School Days. This anime has really brought the rage out of us and we still have episodes nine through twelve to get through. The rage is really gonna come out in part three and when we do the character analysis, the beast is gonna come out and play.
ImpulsiveSpidercide: Yeah. The beast will be uncaged!
GearsX: The apocalyptic destruction of School Days will reach its conclusion. The end is nigh for School Days! Its death will be slow and painful! Until next time, this is GearsX and his rage clockin' out!
ImpulsiveSpidercide: And ImpulsiveSpidercide, who will be trying to find something to wash the bad taste of School Days out of his mouth. Peace . . . if you can find some.